I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I touched a dick in church today
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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