Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
