So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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