highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
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Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
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He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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