It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Drunk is a universal language darling
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
