the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Sex in the backyard? Check.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
