tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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