I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
