No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
True strength comes from lack of pants
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
