I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
