so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
