I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
