So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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