just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
