We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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