Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
