While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?