She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
do herpes really smell.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
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i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
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It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.