just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
How many fucks given?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)