Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?