At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
