I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
