If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize