Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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