I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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