my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
