GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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