and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She said her name was "party"
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
