I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Nicole vs. Life
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
