why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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