Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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