she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
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It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
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Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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