is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
