Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
