Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
