if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
