The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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