brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
