Need sex. Gaining weight.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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