I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
This toilet bowl is my home.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
