it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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