He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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