Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
