hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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