I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
