Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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