When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
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