I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
