Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
