3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
