Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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