I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
