soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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