she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
