there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
