No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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