When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
