remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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