There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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