Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I faked an abortion last night.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
