The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
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made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
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Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"