Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.