so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?