Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.