Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i think im in europe. pls send help