They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!