Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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