I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
