They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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