So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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