He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
