I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
