imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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