Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
